he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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