you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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