Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
