i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize