she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize