I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
