but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
