I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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