piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
