"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize