trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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