with your own penis?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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