It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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