I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
