You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your cock deserves a montage
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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