This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
