I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
