Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
