Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
