I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
