I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
