he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize