you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
