Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize