apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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