we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
