you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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