make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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