I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
