Your dad touched me again.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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