dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
