Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
