we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
