my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
