Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
