i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
