You're so nebulous sometimes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
