She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
