I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
