I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
