I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the liver wants what the liver wants
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
