It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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