Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
