I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
