I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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