Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
