We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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