Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
