i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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