You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
