did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
