I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
