hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
