i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
