Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
