It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize