I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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