I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
