I think I am morally bankrupt
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need moral support for this bender
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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