the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
