I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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